no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
third nipple confirmed
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
