I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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