The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
