Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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