dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you have to choose: penises or morals?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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