I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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