i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
