He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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