so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
