I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
he just fucked me for my cheese.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
