You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
