dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
