oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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