I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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