I could have mohawked her pubes.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
