I wish you could order shots online.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
