my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
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His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
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I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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