your parents love me but you hate me
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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