I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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