I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize