i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
