I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
