Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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