I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
