The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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