Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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