I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
