So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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