Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize