Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
