'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
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Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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