literally had 100 drinks last night.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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