I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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