I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
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Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
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Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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