We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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