I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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