Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
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yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
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I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
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