Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
