Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize