Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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