It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
