I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize