I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You may now shotgun with the bride
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
