Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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