before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
