This girl is more easily done than said...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
