I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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