just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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