I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a shit load of segways right now
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize