If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
