i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
