It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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