By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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