Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize