I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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