Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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