She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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