i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
