I think I won the penis lottery.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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